If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin’s wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football, all while wearing a lungi tied half-mast, Malayali status!
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Dubai, Big Time Malayali..
If you have the words “Anju Mol + Jinchu Mol” written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malayali.
If you refer to your husband as Kettiyon; Ithiyan, Pillerude Appan, guess what? You’re a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have a Tamilian parked in front of your house every Sunday, ironing your clothes, chances are you are a Middle-Class Malayali.
If you have more than three employee trade unions at your place of work then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.
If you have at least two relatives working in the US in the health industry (Nursing!!!) , Yes! Syrian Christian Malayali!
If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week, then You’re in the Malayali Zone!
If you constantly refer to Banana as “Benana” or Pizza as “Pissa” you’re a Malayali..
If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable oil and can’t figure out why people in your family have congenital heart problems, you might be a Malayali.
If you are going out to see a movie at the local theater with your wifey wearing all the gold jewellery gifted to her by her parents, you are a newly married Malayali..
If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have Malabar biriyani at Kayikka’s on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin .
If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry, then, yes, you are a Malayali..
If you have beef puttu for breakfast, beef olathu for lunch, and beef curry with “borotta” for dinner, yeah, definitely Malayali.
If your name is Wilson , and your wife’s name is Baby, and you name your daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all, you are a standard Malayali.
If most of the houses on your block are painted puke yellow, fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely Malappuram Malayali.
If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition of the song “Kuttanaden Punjayile” after having three glasses of toddy, then you are a hardcore Malayali.
If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as “touchings” then you are one helluva Malayali.
If you’re sick and your wifey rubs “Bicks” into your nostrils and gives you “kurumulaku rasam” with chakkara, (grandma’s recipe) to help relieve your symptoms, Damn!! You’re Malayali.
IF YOU DON’T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI. LAAL SALAAM.
All meant in fun, don’t get all “SIMBLY AGITATED” and pass it on so another Malayali can laff too…….. !!!!
